Ok, so I realize vanity doesn't mix well as a believer in my Lord and Savior either, but as my body continues to change due to the growing human inside of me I am realizing just how vain I really am.
Exhibit A: A good friend mentioned that I was starting to "show." I immediately rebuked her, explaining I was simply out of shape and have not been able to do strenuous ab exercises to keep the belly fat down. This has always been a "trouble area" for me, it was due to lack of exercise and not because I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant. You see, with Sissy, I was nearly 6 months pregnant before I even got a "baby bump," and with Bubba I was about 4 months pregnant before I started "showing." The idea that in my first trimester I might be showing, for lack of a better description, freaked me out!
Now this one little statement, and me blowing it out of proportion, has led me to feeling "frumpy" and "fat" for the past couple of days. And as any woman can tell you that can weigh down your mood (no pun intended but still kinda funny). It has even effected how I respond to simple comments my husband makes:
Zach: Did you get a chance to take the car to the dealership to get the a/c checked out.
Me: No, I'm sorry I'm so fat and lazy.
Ok, that conversation did not actually go like that, but I have been overly sensitive to simple questions and comments. As I was putting on a Bella Band that my sister gave me (I did this in silent protest), I realized just how vain I was being.
I am pregnant.
My body is changing.
I am not going to fit into my jeans for a very long time.
So, I decided that I needed to know what the Lord said on this manner. Not the body changing issue, but my blatant problem with vanity. Let me tell you, what I found humbled me immediately.
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
Ah, the Proverbs 31 woman. It seems no matter what issue I have, she is a great example. I have been falling for the deceit of vanity. My focus has not been on the glorious things God is doing with my body because it is being prepared to be a home for one of His children.
"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4 (emphasis was mine)
I am worrying about nonsense. I am focusing my energy thoughts on the ridiculousness of if my jeans fit or not. I am worried about the clothing I wear instead of focusing on my gentle and quiet spirit. God finds me beautiful not matter what my body is doing (as does my husband), as long as I am using my energy in obedience to Him. I have let this consume my thoughts, when it is clear on what I should be spending my time.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. " Philippians 4:8
My "feeling fat" does not fall into any of the above categories mentioned in Phil. 4:8. But you know what does? God has blessed our family, entrusted us, to have another child. That we will raise to revere and love the Lord, and teach him or her the true love and grace that comes from Jesus Christ's sacrifice. My body is changing... Great! That means the baby is healthy, and growing right on schedule.
Whatever is true: I am pregnant.
Whatever is honorable: Zach and I will raising my child to know God's truths.
Whatever is just: my body is changing differently then when I was pregnant with Kristyn... Well that happens when you are 28 versus 18.
Whatever is lovely: I am having a baby!!!
Whatever is commendable: My God loves me and thinks I am beautiful.
No comments:
Post a Comment